Emotional Abuse

 Some people may find this article triggering.

Many people men and women alike are vulnerable to abuse. Does your controlling partner, friend or colleague say that you're the crazy one -- that you're the one with the problem because you live with a mental health illness when you confront them about their behaviour and how it is effecting you ? Many suffer in silence for years some are unaware that it may be happening as the warning signs can be very subtle especially in the beginning, and sometimes the warning signs go unrecognised as the abused can believe that because they have a mental health illness they are the crazy one and the abusive behaviour they are living with isn't that bad or is not even happening, that it's in their head, or they are over reacting and being over sensitive. (These beliefs are usually reinforced by the abuser so they can get away with their abuse).

This can make people who live with a mental health illness even more vulnerable to abuse. While emotional abuse does not leave physical scars the wounds left from emotional abuse can last a lifetime. Emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. Emotional abuse is a form of abuse in which a partner, friend or colleague uses verbal assault, fear, humiliation, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and to undermine your self-esteem and self-worth, and to gain and maintain total control over you. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. If you feel you are being abused it is very important that you speak out and gain support by speaking to your mental health team, a doctor, loved one or friend. Abuse can cause depression, anxiety, low self esteem and isolation. The sooner you speak out the quicker you can break the devastating effects the cycle of abuse can cause.

Warning signs of emotional abuse via Maria Bogdanos - Psych Central

1: Humiliation, degradation, discounting, negating. judging, criticizing:
Does anyone make fun of you or put you down in front of others? Do they tease you, use sarcasm as a way to put you down or degrade you?
When you complain do they say that “it was just a joke” and that you are too sensitive?

Do they tell you that your opinion or feelings are “wrong?” Does anyone regularly ridicule, dismiss, disregard your opinions, thoughts, suggestions, and feelings?

2. Domination, control, and shame:
Do you feel that the person treats you like a child?
Do they constantly correct or chastise you because your behavior is “inappropriate?”
Do you feel you must “get permission” before going somewhere or before making even small decisions?
Do they control your spending?
Do they treat you as though you are inferior to them?
Do they make you feel as though they are always right?
Do they remind you of your shortcomings?
Do they belittle your accomplishments, your aspirations, your plans or even who you are? Do they give disapproving, dismissive, contemptuous, or condescending looks, comments, and behavior?

3. Accusing and blaming, trivial and unreasonable demands or expectations, denies own shortcomings:
Do they accuse you of something contrived in their own minds when you know it isn’t true?
Are they unable to laugh at themselves?
Are they extremely sensitive when it comes to others making fun of them or making any kind of comment that seems to show a lack of respect?
Do they have trouble apologizing?
Do they make excuses for their behavior or tend to blame others or circumstances for their mistakes?
Do they call you names or label you?
Do they blame you for their problems or unhappiness?
Do they continually have “boundary violations” and disrespect your valid requests?

4. Emotional distancing and the “silent treatment,” isolation, emotional abandonment or neglect:
Do they use pouting, withdrawal or withholding attention or affection?
Do they not want to meet the basic needs or use neglect or abandonment as punishment?
Do they play the victim to deflect blame onto you instead of taking responsibility for their actions and attitudes?
Do they not notice or care how you feel?
Do they not show empathy or ask questions to gather information?

5. Codependence and enmeshment: 

Does anyone treat you not as a separate person but instead as an extension of themselves?

Do they not protect your personal boundaries and share information that you have not approved?
Do they disrespect your requests and do what they think is best for you?
Do they require continual contact and haven’t developed a healthy support network among their own peers?

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