Cassie Talks - Mental Health

  If you don't feel in the mood to read you can just sit back, press play and watch the video instead.  Does the following seem familiar? "So many things to do and so little time to do it in and my mind is racing.  So many sounds, sights and smells to take in and it overloads my senses. Internal and external chatter all around me and I start to feel discombobulated. I rush about trying to get my daily activities achieved while trying to self-regulate. I have a headache, my hearts pacing, and anxiety starts to set in. The feelings of overwhelm are overtaking my soul as I scramble around trying to find a way out". If you can relate to one of my experiences I have just described, you may be struggling with feelings of overwhelm. Everyone from time to time feels overwhelmed, especially in this fast paced society we live in. However when living with neurological differences, a mental illness, going through difficult or stressful times, or indeed if you are a highly sensitive ...

  If you don't feel in the mood to read you can just sit back, press play and watch the video instead.  Have you ever been negatively affected by someone who pretends to be a good person sometimes even godlike and innocent, presenting as  friendly, kind and caring, but when you get to know them they are actually the opposite often trying to cause damage, harm or take advantage of you for their own personal gain? If so you may have been bitten by the wolf in sheep's clothing and this blog post may be of some interest to you. I, like many others in society have been bitten by the wolf who presents in sheep's clothing many times. If the bite from a wolf doesn't heal properly the effects from their bite can be disastrous, causing mental health problems, low self esteem and loneliness. In our survival guide for life it is so important to be able to understand why these people present as a sheep, be able to spot a wolf in sheep's clothing, know how to heal the bite from t...

Living with mental illness can be a very lonely experience, mental illness can isolate us in so many ways.  Stigma  and  self-stigma  can isolate us as can the illness itself as sometimes we can prefer to be alone because we either don't want to bother someone or the want to socialise just isn't there. I have isolated myself many a time and have been socially isolated too. When I talk about loneliness it doesn't necessarily mean being on your own as some people can live happy and fulfilling lives without much socialisation, however many people will find this a very lonely experience. You can also be in a crowded room with friends or loved ones and still feel lonely. So what do I mean by feeling lonely? Loneliness is a subjective experience of isolation, it is a mentally painful experience where you do not feel connected to the people around you and your basic needs are not being met. You may feel unloved, not worthwhile, even if others don’t share these views. You...

  Trigger warning. I have suffered with depression on and off for as long as I can remember, its a debilitating disorder that can negatively impact all aspects of my life. I have relapsed just recently and been feeling quite depressed. Depression can hold me hostage and silence me, it makes me feel ashamed and embarrassed about experiencing symptoms not many people admit to. Today I break free from the chains and will discuss the other side of depression no one talks about in hope that it will help people to know they are not alone. Every day living can seem like impossible tasks. I can go days without bathing or showering, brushing my teeth and my hair or even changing my clothes. Chores around the house build up and I can't even face going out to the bin in my garden to dispose of the rubbish. I have been called lazy when feeling like this, I am not lazy I am suffering terribly with depression. It's hard to explain to someone that has no clue what living with depressio...

Do you feel things more intensely than others? Are you easily overwhelmed by external and internal stimuli? Do you pick up on things that might go unnoticed to others? Do you need lots of alone time to cope with being highly sensitive? If you answered yes to these questions you may be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). I am an HSP,  I have always been hyper sensitive to other peoples emotions particularly others discomfort, noise and chaotic environments. I become overwhelmed when I have a lot to do and I do not like being under observation. When I meet you I study your face like an atlas, I make brief eye contact with you, the eyes are a window to our souls and I can find it overwhelming to make eye contact. I notice every micro-movement you make and if it doesn't marry up with what you are saying I find it hard to trust you. Your emotions stir up my emotions and I feel very deeply. If you are happy I am happy, if you are sad I feel sad and so on. As we are talking I become...

An open letter about mental illness and social stigma. Dear Society, I am sitting near the window watching the world go by, occasionally glaring at my laptop as I try to type this letter. It's not unusual these days for me to watch the world pass me by, you see I am not very well. I don't have the flu or a stomach bug, I don't have a broken leg or diabetes. I do however live with a serious illness, debilitating at times when I relapse, I live with mental illness.    Before I go any further I want to make it perfectly clear I am not writing this letter for attention, as many people would like to tell you I am attention seeking, this is not true. I know my feeling unwell is just a dent in the road, a mountain I need to climb and I am determined to reach the top. I know what I need to do to feel better. I am writing this letter to educate and raise awareness because even in this day and age there are many people who are not empathetic towards situations that they do not...

Its been a number of years since I have been hypomanic and I have to say I miss it I really do. Feeling the warmth from hypomania was my reward for being depressed, all those months of viewing the world in many different shades of grey and then seeing it in vibrant colours through beautiful rose tinted glasses was amazing. I was so productive, sociable, outgoing, happy, elated and full of energy needing little sleep to recharge my battery, creative and confident. Woah there, I have to stop myself and really think about what I am grieving today as I have realised I am romanticising it. In reality my hypomania can turn nasty turning into full blown mania with psychosis, mixed episodes and then spiralling back down into depression. In fact I wouldn't wish Bipolar on my worst enemy so I am not advocating people quitting their medication so they become hypomanic. I am grieving the loss of the happy times though, and I know, I KNOW all too well that hypomania is deceptive and ho...

Trigger warning, I openly discuss psychosis, some people may find it triggering. I remember the last time I was psychotic as if it were yesterday, the sheer terror I felt was debilitating. 3 years ago…….. I switch on the tv and tune into one of my favourite programmes (Coronation Street) I start to panic as I hear the characters in the show talking about me so I turn the tv off as fast as my fingers would let me. I turn on my laptop and go on Facebook. My heart is beating so hard and fast it feels as if it is going to burst through my chest, to my horror posts my friends have written or articles they posted are sending me hidden messages about what people really think about me. I slam the laptop down on the table and leave the room. I start pacing up and down the kitchen muttering to myself, there must be hidden cameras somewhere, everyone and I mean everyone knows what I am doing, what I am thinking and who I am. This isn't the first time this has happened, the...

If you don’t feel in the mood to read you can just sit back, press play and watch the video instead. Sitting here staring at the crisp white piece of paper as I try to summon my thoughts. My concentration is whacked, I am so easily distracted, I have a short attention span and I forget what I want to say next, my thoughts are not flowing as they used to and I am struggling to put a sentence together. I used to write with ease, ideas came flowing so fast that my pen used to glide over the page capturing every detail so quickly I thought my pen would take off, I couldn't write fast enough. Now? well lets just say my pen now judders and stops as my mind freezes and thoughts come to a halt. To be honest I haven't been able to write for a long time. Yes I have started this new blog but I am only updating it with stories and articles I have written over the years. This is the first new one in quite some time. I thought my writing days were over and stopped writing for a little w...

A poem about the highs and lows of Bipolar and reaching stability. If you don't feel in the mood to read you can just sit back, press play and watch the video instead. Hypo/mania is a special place, life is just fantastically great. I am the life and soul of the party, laughing and joking whole-heartedly. Others dance with me to my infectious tune, everything in life feels bright, warm, and sunny I hope this doesn't end any time soon. I sing a cheerful song as I soar through the sky my bipolar wings are helping me fly very high. I fly for days, weeks and sometimes months without much rest, I feel that I can stand this test. Mania joins me and comes along for the ride flying with me by my side. The sun is too bright and I can't see what is within my sight. As I reach my peak all of a sudden everything looks bleak, my wings become weak. Adrenalin leaves my side I am not enjoying this ride. The storm replaces the sun, I am in trouble but its only just begun...

If you struggle with balancing your emotions or indeed live with emotional dysregulation then you may find this post of some interest. Please note some people may find this post triggering. If you don’t feel in the mood to read you can just sit back, press play and watch the video instead. Many people who suffer from a mental health disorder can suffer from emotional dysregulation issues for many different reasons. It is said this symptom is not exclusive to Emotional Unstable Personality Disorder also known as Borderline Personality Disorder, many people who live with mental illness can suffer from this. This post covers what emotional dysregulation is, my experiences and how I cope with it. Please remember that we are all different and unique, some people may relate and other’s may not, so please do not use my post as a diagnostic tool. What is Emotional Dysregulation? Emotional Dysregulation refers to a person who finds it difficult to control or regulate their emotions to int...

Before I embarked on my recovery journey the questions who am I? Where does my personality begin and my mental health illness end? used to haunt me daily. I had lived with being symptomatic for nearly all of my life with not much stability in between. My likes and dislikes, my views and outlook on life changed more rapidly than most due to depression, anxiety, mania, mixed states, emotional dysregulation, negative judgements from others, stigma and discrimination, dissociation and paranoia, I was living in no man's land. It is common to have a lack of identity when living with a mental health illness, especially for those like me who has lived with a mental illness for many years, having a lack of identity is also a symptom of Emotional Unstable Personality Disorder. Although many people lack a sense of identity it does not mean that they are unable to discover and find the person who they are, who they always have been hidden amongst the mist of their mental health illness. H...

Alongside the correct treatment and many other self-help techniques having a positive mental attitude has helped along my recovery. However I understand all to well that sometimes when we are feeling unwell we can feel as if this is impossible to do. When I used to hear others go on and on about how people who live with a mental health disorder need to be more positive, and I was unable to think positively at all, it used to make me feel as if I were a weak person which used to trigger me further. I knew I had to start thinking positively to step in to recovery but was unable to do so. I became trapped. I wrote the following when I was unable to have a positive mental attitude, I also have written below how I learnt to break free, which led to my recovery. "The guilt and tears set in this morning and everything looked pointless. The birds were singing their usual songs, but their tunes were not the same. The sun was warm on my skin, but all I noticed were the dark clouds i...

Trigger warning. An honest account about the social stigma I have encountered, self stigma and how I broke free. If you don't feel in the mood to read you can just sit back, press play and watch the video instead. When I was diagnosed with mental illness I was very lucky to have people around me who did not stigmatise me, who saw me as me and not my diagnosis. However when I stepped out of my comfort zone and into society I was hit with the stigma of mental health illness which many people have to battle with from time to time. As soon as some people and I am talking about people in the health care system as well (not all I must add) knew I had mental illness they did not see a human being standing before them who was very similar to them. All they saw were the differences, to them I was a walking talking diagnosis. I may as well of developed horns or an extra head. As soon as they were aware of my diagnosis which is Bipolar Disorder, Emotional Unstable Personality Disorder and A...

If you don't feel in the mood to read you can just sit back, press play and watch the video instead.  Since the mid-1980s the term mental health recovery is becoming more and more popular and is widely used amongst mental health professionals and those who live with a mental health disorder. Many people assume those who use the word recovery mean they are symptom free, cured or have recovered this is also known as clinical recovery. Whilst this may be true for some, for many mental health recovery means improved quality of life, being able to live a full, happy life whilst learning to live with ongoing symptoms, this is often referred to as personal recovery.  Personal recovery is a unique process for each individual as in life we all have different needs, dreams and aspirations. For me recovery is an ongoing process with which I take small steps rather than leaps and strides in order to keep my balance; a journey not a final destination. Being in recovery means I am ...