Grieving Hypomania

Its been a number of years since I have been hypomanic and I have to say I miss it I really do. Feeling the warmth from hypomania was my reward for being depressed, all those months of viewing the world in many different shades of grey and then seeing it in vibrant colours through beautiful rose tinted glasses was amazing. I was so productive, sociable, outgoing, happy, elated and full of energy needing little sleep to recharge my battery, creative and confident.

Woah there, I have to stop myself and really think about what I am grieving today as I have realised I am romanticising it. In reality my hypomania can turn nasty turning into full blown mania with psychosis, mixed episodes and then spiralling back down into depression. In fact I wouldn't wish Bipolar on my worst enemy so I am not advocating people quitting their medication so they become hypomanic. I am grieving the loss of the happy times though, and I know, I KNOW all too well that hypomania is deceptive and how quickly it can get out of hand but I am addicted....Ok so I admit it, I am addicted to hypomania, I am a recovering addict and guess what? That's ok to admit.

If you are grieving your hypomania today please remember that although you are missing the unbelievable highs its not worth it. Although hypomania can be very seductive you have to remember that it is very debilitating also. You are addicted to something that could make you die by suicide when you come crashing down, or jump straight into mania, horrifying psychosis or mixed episodes or all of the symptoms. You are addicted to something that will destroy your family life, work life and social life. Hypomania is a friend that will stab you in the back multiple times while watching you bleed and I don't know about you but I could do without friends like that, life is hard enough as it is.

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